Sobriety

Sobriety is something I’ve struggled with for years. I wasn’t sober in my teens, twenties and even early thirties. It took a specific series of unfortunate events for me to get off the sauce. 

It started when I was 16. I was already experimenting with alcohol and smoking cigarettes. Until I met a boy. This boy demanded I quit smoking cigarettes and all other drugs. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. So I quit. This bliss lasted 8 months. We broke up and I was back to hanging out with my older friends, getting them to buy me alcohol and darts.

After I blacked out for hours drinking straight whiskey at my boyfriend's place one September in 2019, I quit drinking alcohol. I quit cold-turkey, scared of the power that blackouts had over my life. I never drank again.

I dated another guy, his name was Jesse Larocque. I knew him for 11 years but we only dated for 10 months before he died of an overdose. It was 11 pm on January 5th, 2022. I woke from a nap on the couch and the house felt eerie and quiet. I ran upstairs. I used the clasp on my choker to break open the lock to the bathroom, only to find Jesse dead in the bathtub. I called 911. They wanted me to perform CPR. It was traumatizing.

I don't want to name the drugs we were abusing. Let's just say, all of them. Jesse's death scared the shit out of me. After that, my house got robbed twice. I promptly moved from Vanier to Blair in the blink of an eye.

Jesse's death taught me, that no matter what, you can't run from your problems. You have to face them head-on. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask what you can change about your life in order to make it better. You have to admit the truth, no matter how horrifying it is. In being honest, there is the ability to change.

I'll never go back now. The downward spiral that drugs send your life into is not worth it. Please seek help if you or anyone you know are experiencing mental illness or drug addiction.